| Jan. 22nd, 2006 @ 12:09 am worries that might be unjustified |
|---|
Current Mood:  pessimistic
Current Music: Into the west - Return of the king soundtrack
So as i sit in my apartment finally updating after a good month or so i think about a lot of things whilst listening to music and finishing a sudoku (which is addicting if you have not done them yet). I wonder to myself why is it that i have no close friends, i watched LOTR return of the king and i know that this is not something i can relate to, but i see the friendship between the hobbits and i think why can't i have that here. My roomate is getting married so he doesn't have time for me anymore. No one really calls me to hang out, i know i'm not a party person but i still show up and hang out for awhile if anyone calls me. I know that i have a lot of aquaintances here and a lot of people who care for me. But not really anyone anymore who i feel comfortable just calling up and asking to hang out, and when i do they usually give me that wierd..."um....well i don't know....i'm kind of busy...." and yes i understand that we as college students are all busy, but then i read about them going out to a party, or just not plain doing anything. I realize that i might be overreacting. And i know that i can do it a lot more, but why does it feel so uncomfortable to ask someone who i think is a friend to hang out. There is that weird thing there that i used to not have with my "friends" here. YEs and i know that i have carolise but if i didn't i would just sit on my butt and get fatter, worse at trumpet and god knows what else. Yes i can be moody, and yes i might be worrying about nothing but (no offense parents who might be reading this) i really want to have afriends when i'm a band director and married with a family, other friends that i can hang out with go over watch TV, have a drink and just talk with. I see all these people on facebook who go on little adventures i want to go on little adventures. I feel like i'm always the one who trys to call other people to do something. i just want a few people to come over play mario party, have some drinks and just have fun. I never do that anymore...Am i lazy? i don't know. I really hope i don't sound pathetic or depressed. I'm not I just want more than i have, i love school, i love trumpet, i like my job, i love my girlfriend to death. But when my roomate the person i thought was my best friend who i feel like i don't even know anymore has no time for me, who will. I want a car if i had a car i would just go somewhere. I would go do something. I got invited to a party tonight, can't go don't have a car.... and i think it was a mass text message, so they didn't even really care if i was there or not. Well enought of my rant even though 2 people may acctually read this. Night
p.s. don't worry i'm not mad, sad, depressed or anything. Its just want i've been thinking about. |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
trptplyr15's journal
thankful
tired
creative
chipper
content
relieved
anxious
excited